Monday, September 27, 2010

Basking in the Sunshine

In which Our Sun-Lit Lady wishes She could dance the Charleston 

            There have been many times in at least the last year when I would find myself feeling a sense of slight frustration every time the sun was shining outside, and I was not shining inside.  It is difficult to see the perfection of a summery day and not have the energy or the momentum to thrive inside such a day.  One feels incomplete, and a bit of a failure each time.  Looking back, I see now that I had unfair expectations for myself, based on the assumption that everything was fine and dandy on the inside.  
            Today, the sun was glorious, and Eva had excess energy.  I did not have any extra energy. At first, I felt unequal to the small challenge of getting us both warmly dressed and then taking her outside to play.  But then I decided to do it with style. Preparations are a fun part of living too, are they not? I found my new winter headband that makes me feel like a very warm and energized flapper from the 20’s. (I imagine these flappers vigorously dancing the Charleston, and wish I could do so too). Dressed in this as well as my pajama pants, furry snow boots (no there is no snow here yet, but why be cold?), a winter coat, and my warmest wooly blanket, I towed Eva outside. 
The sun was lovely, and it knew I was there.  It made a direct strike for my pale Alaskan face, lit up the dangly orange leaves and the glittery dust motes as I played hide and seek with my Eva from a lawn chair. Even I have energy for this kind of a game.  I am reminded of a scene at the end of the movie Step-Mom when Susan Sarandan sits outside on a fall day smoking weed and passing her cancerous time, except I was sans drugs and bitterness. We ended up having a wonderful time, and for once I felt no frustration at my inabilities, but gladness to be doing what I could.  Only Eva felt frustration as she had trouble walking through our overgrown lawn and blown piles of birch twigs.  I muse to myself that its all about the expectations one has.  I gave myself a sick day, and as such knew when to stop, sit down, and let the sun do the shining.  In the end, it wasn’t so bad.

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