Friday, November 5, 2010

"Next Blog"

In which our Heroine contemplates her Binary Existence. 

1.       At the top of my blog page you’ll see a few words: “Next Blog.”  If you click on it (after you’re done thoroughly enjoying my own blog first, of course, you’ll find that blogspot will send you off on a chain of other blogs.  The first time I did this, it was just after I’d written my first post.  The blogs it sent me to were haphazard, and totally unrelated.  I was pushed from someone’s jet ski memoirs to a quilting bee, then to a regular “look at my kids, aren’t they adorable!” blog.  The kids were cute, but what did they have to do with me or with jet skis?  Aren’t the fabled and tasteless cookies of the internet supposed to send me to places similar to my own interests so I will buy countless amounts of unneeded items from those other places?  Because of this conundrum, I find myself often checking to see what google blogspot throws my way.  Several times, I’ve found myself in a line-up of LDS family reunion posts.  Once, I somehow managed to hit the British punk-rock scene, mixed with comic book dweebiness.  After posting my creative therapy artwork I found that I’d attracted some very cool crafting blogs—not kitchy at all, but genuinely cool.  Another time, directly after the Hitler post, I hit upon a bunch of Evangelical or very Christian and very conservative/my grandfather-founded-the-KKK sites.  I was chilled after reading through a few of these and I began to despair.  How must I appear to the binary world? 

2.       I like to check my stats frequently.  I am always astonished to see whose looking from what country and what their search terms are that apparently lead to me.  I’ve tried to look for my own blog on google, just to see how easy it was to find—and its not.  You really have to use obvious stuff.  Until I wrote my full name in the title of a post, I had a hard time finding my blog by using my very name.  AND YET… Sometime yesterday, some pervert (I assume) in Italy did a search on “wetting herself.”  Due to a friend’s silly and totally innocent comment a few days ago, my blog somehow floated to the top of the dung heap of the internet.  I’m scared to hit the “Next Blog” button.  To remedy this onslaught of icky-ness, I will now post this and use totally unrelated, but nice terminology as tags (see below).

3.       Meanwhile, I will remain uselessly and utterly paranoid about my situation—but not paralyzed, I assure you.  It just makes you wonder.  Is it myself that I actually have to fear?  Because I really had nuclear bombs and the FBI pegged…


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  2. I've never tried the "Next Blog" button and, I have to admit, now I'm afraid.