Better Than the Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

In which our Lady is Sincerely Grateful.

Facebook has people who go all through the month of November and up until Turkey Day with incredible gratitude.  Every day they post something for which they are thankful.  I’d like to think that I have at least as much to be thankful for as them, but I am unwilling to get on Facebook every day.  So, although I could give you a list of exactly 22 one-liners, I will here do something a little different.  By the way, I mean no disrespect for those admirable facebookers who…one-line.  After all, they are my inspiration today.  Okay, so here goes:

Thanks to all the people that are constantly thinking of me and helping me out.  You know who you are and FYI I hope to get actual Thank-you cards mailed out someday.  Meanwhile I will shout my gratitude out to the universe.

There are those who support me physically—thank you for making me food and providing the occasional child care.  These people drive both me and my child places when I cannot.  They open cans and tie knots when my hands get all weak and shaky.  They teach my child and nurture her when I am weary—just so weary of doing it all.  There are so many of these supporters.  The best word to describe them is simply this: they are GOOD.  (As in “God created the world and it was good….”)

We move then to the emotional/mental/spiritual support.  There are those who share various parts of my malady and who are open with me about what they are going through.  Because of their empathy and candidness I learn from them.  Many are those who lead by example in addition to actually guiding me into spiritually uplifting situations when I can’t seem to find true north.  There are those who listen to me when I’m down, and who deal with my insanities while never making me feel dumb.  I know I’m not driving at full throttle (is this even a commonly-used phrase?), but people are mostly kind to me about that.  I realize that I often exhibit stupidity/slowness/incompetence/Valley-girl brainlessness.  It can be really humiliating when I am the object of a joke that I don’t even fully understand.  I tell you now that KINDNESS is a priceless gift.

As I read back over what I have just written, I realize that my husband exhibits all of the goodness and kindness addressed here, in all its finite detail.  You know, when I was lookin’ for a man back at good ol’ BYU, I picked out kindness as one of the top three qualities on my I-could-date-this-guy list.  And so, finally, I come to another point of gratitude, I am so glad I found Jon. 

 

 

If there was an X-file for Facebook...

In which our Heroine unearths an Alien takeover. 

                I consider Facebook to be the ultimate spy network.  Several times I’ve found long lost friends in the ever-expanding computer universe that I couldn’t possibly find any other way—especially all those college roommates who inevitably end up marrying and changing their last names to something difficult to spell.  Then there are the friends from high school who five years ago I knew nothing about and have since spied on.  All it takes is a little peek at their profile page.  A wonderful tool, that page.  For instance, I find out that so and so did in fact marry her crush, or that what’s-his-name went into the army—and survived it, what my old friend’s jobs are, how many children they now have.  I come away with much more information that I should for the little amount of effort I’ve put into maintaining our friendships. 

I’ve noticed some interesting trends about these people (you).  For one, I find that they are all living a healthy suburban lifestyle despite other demographic differences.  That’s right—they probably all live in cookie-cutter neighborhoods and are involved in the PTA.  They work out regularly, go on weekend road trips, and read each other’s blogs.  Some of you may recognize yourselves as subject here.  It is a spectacularly suspicious scenario to suddenly find that nearly everyone I’ve ever known is living in or aspires to the same suburban lifestyle.  Is it because of government funding, or perhaps pop culture?  Are we all zombies?  Or do the aliens really have us in their clutches and they are taking the human race over one by one?  If they are, I’m sure that they would use Facebook as their ultimate tool. 

In fact, if the X-files were still running today, I think there could be a season finale about it.  I’m sure we would find that the government, through the FBI, is secretly funding Facebook.  Then, various X-agents and their techno-wizard friends would find unexplainable glitches in the system, and set up intriguing although sometimes cryptic dialogue with the enemy.  These interactions would inevitably point us toward a clandestine meeting at the South Pole.  I would be the heroine because I have a titanium plate in my head and that makes me trustworthy in some indefinable way.  It is possible that I can block alien takeover rays with my titanium shield.  (Thank goodness I had seven hours of brain surgery that I can’t fully remember, and then lost several days worth of memory afterward.  I’m sure this has made me the perfect protagonist—my flickering and insubstantial memories will surely serve us well in the fight against aliens.)  As heroine-with-implant I invite you all to share your private information with me on Facebook.  Just go ahead and use the main page—I won’t tell anyone what you put on there.